Thinking About God

I decided this past Autumn to seriously study religion and "god" to try and determine what I really believe. I've recently read a number of excellent books..."The Evolution of God", Speaking of Faith - Why Religion is Important and How to Talk About it" and, of course, " Letter to A Christian Nation", "The Death of Faith". The last two were not to my liking; nothing to do with what I believe since that is not clear right now, but because both author's are as strident in their atheism as the Christian fundamentalists are in their extremism. It doesn't matter what side you are on as much as how deeply you cower in your dog hole under a cover of strident belief. So the approach I require is a balanced discussion of ideas, a weighing of the history, facts and yes sometimes the unexplainable. I do know this much though...I've never grown to truly believe in or love anyone or anything without first knowing the spirit of the thing, the sense of someone's soul. And maybe, maybe all this current strife is exactly because a god does not want to be loved or adored blindly...maybe this god, like most of us, want to know we are fully loved with all our imperfections...that someone has looked deeply into us, seen us, and love us still. More to come as the search continues...